~*trapped in this so called life...

For good things to come to you, no. 1, you have to ask for it, no.2, you have to be really positive and believe it in. I am incapable of being positive all the time. It feels force(read: fake) when I really "think positive".

Don't know about anyone else, but I am always depressed when I am sick and even when I am starting to get better. Been in bed since Monday night, the big bad fever flu and throat infection (but thank god not THE FLU), and I think I am getting better today, but hell... am I feeling depressed or what??!

The boss called last night to ask about the ratings given to the team. She doesn't like the idea that everyone got good ratings. I told her to change it according to her judgement, in other unspoken words = I don't care. And then she was asking about mine and what I think about being in the position I am in the past year. I just said need more improvement and also I don't mind if she wants to change the ratings according to her judgement, also = I don't care. For godsake, I was wheezing and coughing all the while talking to her, I can't even think properly, she expect me to make sense during the call? And I am horrible in "selling" myself, so seriously, Whatever.

Sigh... Everything has been one big dissapointment after another. I asked and I have been waiting, patiently. So now I am going to demand, you good things better be coming my way soon... else, one fine day when I am really all dead inside I might just pre-empt my life and get it over with... if I have the guts.