~*because i got high....

Sunday, December 17, 2006


Ooh... Christmas is in the air~ I love Christmas. In fact there's some christmas tune playing on my ym now. Lovely. But am I a christian though? I am not quite sure anymore. Maybe a non practising one, though i think the term "deviated" would better suit me.

Still remember the days of "persecutions" from my folks, for joining the church, especially when going for church's youth camps - correction, camp. Only managed to go to one. I was 16.
The pain I went through for that. Oh the jubilance when I finally got to go for that "once in a lifetime" experience of a camp - it was pure, pure joy and sweetness. I was going to spend a week of learning more about God, praise and worshipping, nonstop fellowship with my new brothers and sisters in Christ, and my crush. Yup, a cute lil chindian boy who's fairer than me. It was a mutual crush that lasted a couple of years until I gathered up some courage to speak up first. And he became was my first boyfriend... for a week. Ha.ha. I got bored after a week of talking to him on the phone and acting like a couple. We never even held hands. Ah... the days of innocense. Sorry about the deviation, back to the camp story. Anways, after the camp, I did think that, That was indeed the best time of my life, worth every drop of sweat and tears begging. No regrets.

Looking back now, 13 years on (damn, I am old.), and many years of leaving the whole church business, there are things that I realised I didn't see when I was there. It was a church camp. Full of God fearing, worshipping teenagers and young adults, but still I felt left out. There were still the popular group and then there were the non popular kids like me. I did have a lot of fun (being away from the parents is always fun!) but there was also frustrations and heartaches, which, I didn't think should be there in the first place, since we're in a church for godsake! But of course, I continued being in the "business" until I started college when I moved to live in this lil city I now call home. Even then, the thought of not going to church was beyond me, and soon I was attending this new church. At first it was... nice. I have much expectation. I expect people to be really nice. I expect this to be my refuge since this is my first time living alone, away from everything I am familiar with. My expectations were slowly crushed and I was left dissapointed. I know I am supposed to go to church for God, not the people. But i was 20. Maybe that's not an excuse to slowly move on from the "business", but that's what i did. And i haven't regretted it since.

So why do I still celebrate Christmas? :) the same reason as my non christian friends who joins in the celebration. It's simply the prettiest festival there is. It's the deco, the music, the fuzzy, nostalgic feeling when you hear them ol' christmasy tunes, the warmth... it's just beautiful. How can anyone not like it?

This piece was originally supposed to be about christmas shopping, somehow it took a turn... a darker turn, i guess, and became what you just read - if you managed to stay on and finish reading it, that is :p
I dunno... it just flowed. Will get on to christmas shopping later then.


Post a Comment

<< Home